Weekly Relationship Tip from John Aiken – Target the problem not the person

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  • August 24, 2009

One of the most destructive things we can do to our partner when we get into a fight is to start attacking their character. In the heat of the moment, we can make throwaway comments like you’re lazy, unreliable, a loser, a failure, ungrateful, selfish and untrustworthy. Instead of this, focus on the specific problem behaviour. Remember the following:

*Target the problem not person*

This week I want you to make a point of focusing on changing problem behaviours in your relationship, not highlighting your partner’s personality flaws. Both of you make a list of 3 behaviours you want to change, and then sit down together and lead in with “ That behaviour makes me feel….How can we do this differently?”


Look out for me every Friday on Mornings With Kerri Anne on Channel 9 and listen in tonight after 10pm on Sydney's TODAY FM (104.1) where I'll be taking relationship calls.*